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Dating without attraction

Some time ago, I found myself single again shock, horror! But too often those opinions were based on anecdotes, assumptions about human behaviour I knew to be wrong, or — worse — pure misogyny. As a psychologist who has studied attraction, I felt certain that science could offer a better understanding of romantic attraction than all the self-help experts, pick-up artists and agony aunts in the world. And so I began researching the science of how we form relationships.
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Psychologist on dating: there are no rules of attraction when it comes to meeting your match

To my surprise, it has been harder than I thought it would be. I have been on Match, Bumble, Plenty of Fish, and blind dates, and even dated a longtime friend to only find myself single going into my fiftieth year on this planet. After my marriage, I was in a two-year relationship with a guy who cheated on me. I was in a four-year relationship with a guy who stole a quarter of a million dollars from me, and my fifteen-year marriage was not a friendship. With all three partners there was one common denominator: I put a lot of energy into my looks to connect with them. I got charged when a man was really turned on by me. I was addicted to someone wanting me.
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Psychologist on dating: there are no rules of attraction when it comes to meeting your match

Even if she found him very attractive to start with. Share Facebook. Add Opinion.
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Viren Swami does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment. Some time ago, I found myself single again shock, horror! But too often those opinions were based on anecdotes, assumptions about human behaviour I knew to be wrong, or — worse — pure misogyny.

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Comments (14)

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